PARENTING AND PARENTAL INFLUENCE: A SOCIETAL RESPONSIBILITY OR A NATURAL DUTY.

In this 21st century, there is a rapid growth in infant birthrate across the world. This reassures us that even though people die every day, there is a sufficient amount of babies being brought to life daily. Nevertheless, the bringing up of a child has been generally termed as difficult, uneasy, stressful and sometimes resentful, although this has usually been proved to be inconsequential and irrelevant in the later-years of the child.  

During the process of raising a child, there are different stages that parents go through which include personal encounters, inter-relational occurrences, bizarre events, challenges etc. The child, because he is developing must go through several stages which comes in handful with merits and demerits as compulsory requirements. The parents on the other hand, because of their main function as guardians, are also made to pass through these stages together with the child. This brings about a parent-child bond which has been assented by nature itself.

The growing and developmental stages of a child can be seen in three phases. These phases are the most important stages of a child’s life because regardless of it being properly and appropriately passed through, it would be influential whether positively or negatively in the later years of the child. Here are the phases.

Stage One: 0-12 years

Stage two: 13-19 years

Stage three: 20-25 years

STAGE ONE: 0-12 YEARS

Without any assertion of doubt or disagreement, this phase is the ‘infantism, toddling or childing stage’. Children, toddlers and infants are categorized into this stage. Here, a child is ultimately instructed, directed, controlled and dominated by his parents. As this stage is practically and undoubtedly unavoidable, it is pivotal to say that the child is prone to submit himself both body and soul to his parents as the child’s actions, thoughts, behavior, and character is influenced by the parents.

From research and observation, about 70% of Nigerian parents seem to be autocratic in the bringing up of a child in this phase. Laying down of rules and certain regulations, imposing of bans on gadgets, clothing, compulsion of chores etc, are most common features of the parent-child relationship especially in rural areas. Ostensibly, there is little or no consideration for the child’s interests or views as the society teaches that the parents’ opinions and views are more important, experience-laden and better than those of the child. Hence, the society views the parents as correct and right at all times irrespective of what the child has to say. Little wonder, most children in this phase pass through certain experiences characterized with sanctions imposed on them, beating, corporal punishment or even banishment from the dining table. Although it would be biased to say that parents are more autocratic without correctly pointing out that most children are often mischievous, disobedient and sometimes unrepentant. Some of the vices that are particular to children include stealing, lying, and disobedience and it would be termed as “parental neglect” if the parents do not attend to these issues concerning their wards. Interestingly, children at this stage are usually in crèche, kindergarten and pre secondary institutions; thus, their statutory and only source of sustenance is no other than their parents.

At this stage, the child would have started nurturing dreams and ideas as to what he would become in life; how he would travel to London and America (which seems to be the only two foreign places known to him); when he would build houses for his parents with exotic cars. The child probably might have started showing interests in certain skills like dancing, singing, teaching, drawing etc. This enables their parents (who must have noticed it) to influence and in most cases decide which career area of life the child is to go into. In most cases, there is a tendency for the parents to impose. From experience, I would say that this decision by parents This enables their parents (who must have noticed it) to influence and in most cases decide which career area of life the child is to go into. In most cases, there is a tendency for the parents to impose compulsorily.This affects their child or children’s lives as concerns career and it is very unnecessary.

STAGE TWO: 13-19 YEARS

This stage, I would call “The Teening Years” this is due to the fact that it is the stage of the development of Teenagers. It is the stage where a child develops from being a toddler or infant to a teenager. This is extensively characterized majorly with puberty- the development of certain explicit features in the body of a boy or girl which ultimately prepares them for the adult life.

This stage is undoubtedly the most difficult out of all the three stages. It epitomizes the gradual transformation of a child into an adult. This transformation would no doubt; bring about conflicting desires, opinions and views from both parties (parents and the child). Dress sense and styles, the types of friends to keep, places to go to and even types of TV Programs to watch majorly are the typical areas of disagreement between the parents and the child.

A proper relationship between a parent and his child during this stage can only be ensured with the peaceful cooperation from both parties. Without this, there is bound to be an unhealthy and strained line of communication between the parent and his child.

STAGE THREE: 20-25 YEARS 

 This is of course the stage when a child is no longer referred to as a child: when a teenager is no longer referred to as a teenager but when a child is now referred to as an Adolescent or mini-adult. This stage of development is the least trouble-laden stage because by now, mutual relationships between both parties is pronounced; the child is now (in contemporary society) to an extent, self-independent. It is characterized with the seeming independent nature of the child. Most of the child decisions now are more or less self decisions without little or no influence of parental opinions.

This stage is the beginning of “life” for the child because everything done by the ex-teenager is for himself and his life. The level of parental influence is relatively low compared to the former two stages stated above.

                                                              

                                                       Enough said! 

 While gathering thoughts for this article, some questions were running through my mind. These questions arose out of the feeling and realization that some parents are undoubtedly greatly influential and decisive in the life affairs of their children. “why do some parents deem it fit to openly rebuke their children”?, “why do some parents think that they only are responsible for the career decision of their children”?, “why do some parents think that their opinions is the best for their children”?, “why is it that little or no consideration is given to the views of a child by some parents irrespective of the situation”?

The answer is not far-fetched at all; it is because of the African perspective to the position of parents. The African society, with all due respect to it, is a very sophisticated yet simple community with a divergence of socio-cultural setting. It upholds parents as small gods to children which of course, demands absolute obeisance to the parents. Not taking a dime away from them, the average African parent is duly respected and revered by the society because they are divinely authorized to direct the life of the child in the world. It is like a delegated authority; whereby God delegated power and authority to the parents which interestingly denotes that there is a system of Indirect Rule at play. Africa holds parents in high esteem that is why a child who opposes his parents over any subject matter is viewed and termed as a Rebel, Recalcitrant with the air/traits of Refractoriness. This is sometimes a re-occurring event in several African homes with the children involved majorly ranged within the second stage mentioned above. 

However, a quote from Late Nelson Mandela has it that “when a Man is denied the right to live in a world he believes in, he has no choice than to become an outlaw” Simply put, when a child (teenagers and adolescents) is not given room to air his views or when a child is not allowed to do things in his own way (with proper supervision from parents), he has no choice than to be disobedient, rebellious and egoistic. Of a truth, some children especially of nowadays were products of families where the upbringing and developmental training of a child could be described as a great period of time and sweet memories. At the same time, Fact not neglected, considering that this present crop of parents knew how children should be raised in this century, what if there were parents who could reason along that there was no need for the enforcement of their opinions, directions, views, instructions and commandments. Who knows? Maybe we would not have had cases of parents committing manslaughter; children killing their parents due of various degrees of abuse, children committing suicides over disagreements with parents, parents being arrested for child abuse etc. Who knows?

Article written by Daniel: a Political Science and International Relations Scholar at Crawford University, Igbesa, Ogun State.